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Things I Learned During the Republican Debate Tonight

Michelle Bachman, apparently doesn't know that she has to beat Romney first. Instead of actually answering any of Blitzer's questions, she used every opportunity to campaign against Obama.

Newt Gingrinch is simply one of the most unlikable human beings on the planet. I don't have a clear idea of what his views are, I just know I don't like him. Can you do something about that permascowl?

Herman Cain's campaign team finally hired a debate coach. That debate coach neglected to inform him of the moderator's name. Right Blitz?

Ron Paul, I would have liked you better during my collegiate "Objectivist" phase. Plus, I keep expecting you to start handing out Werther's Originals during the debate.

John Huntsman looks pretty good. And being an ambassador to China shores up your foreign policy cred. Too bad most of your party's voters don't give a damn about foreign policy, and probably couldn't identify China on a globe.

Rick Santorum, why are you even here? Did you think that this round of elections needed its own Alan Keyes or did you just have some millions lying around that you felt like blowing?

Rick Perry must have hired the same debate coach as Bachmann. Although he did a slightly better job at demagoguery.

And finally, at this point I think Mitt Romney could kill someone and still get the party's nomination. Congrats Mitt, I actually liked you in 2008, honestly, but you've pandered too much to try and appeal to the Tea Party this time around.

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  1. Can we just take a minute to talk about what a bad-ass Ron Paul is? Every major issue in the Republican platform it's "no, no, no" from Paul just running so hard against the grain and not pandering in the least. I absolutely wouldn't vote for him, but at least he's consistent.

  2. I wholeheartedly agree. Ron Paul doesn't give a fuck about pandering to anybody. Ron Paul just tells it like it is.

  3. Like "he thinks it is."

    Also, did you notice that Mitt Romney made a joke about his first name being Mitt? Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't his first name actually William?

  4. Yeah, Mitt is not his first name. It's Willard, so I guess it's hard to blame him for going by Mitt.

  5. I liked Rick Perry trying to roll the Mexican drug cartels and Hamas and Hezbollah and Al Qaeda into one big cohesive anti-Amurrican terrorist popcorn ball.

    Mitt did a great job making his approach to foreign policy look like it was straight out of the 1950s, with the American exceptionalism fully intact. As I've always said, the GOP's biggest problem is their largest, most faithful constituent is going to be dead in 50 years.

  6. Ben agreed, Perry seems to be doing his best to make sure everyone knows that we're surrounded by enemies. I just wish he'd add PETA to that list.

    Also, I may mildly disagree with your second point. I do think that that cohort is their strongest and most faithful, but I think that they've done a great job of using fear of some unknown terrorist strike to bring a new generation into the fold. Terrorism is the new communism in the political climate.