Using Mathematical Algorithms to Solve Crimes

Fear not, Mathnet is no longer fiction. Researchers at UCLA have come up with a mathematical algorithm that can predict the gang responsible for an unsolved gang crime with a surprising degree of accuracy.

Now if they can just figure out an algorithm to help me find parking...

Wait. Who?

Anyone remember ICP? No? Insane Clown Posse? Still not ringing a bell? Well, they were a "horrorcore" rap duo based out of Detroit. From what I remember they enjoyed some success in the 90's with a dedicated group of followers with the nonsensical moniker of "juggaloes." Well, apparently juggaloes is now officially recognized as a gang by the FBI. And here I just though that juggaloes were only good for being overweight, drinking Faygo soda, living in their parent's basement into their 30's, and liking terrible music. Apparently these juggaloes didn't get the message that their beloved heroes had recently found religion. As bad as it sounds, I would love to see the Juggaloes get into some trouble with someone from a real gang. The reek of cheetos and Rock N Rye soda wouldn't be able to cover up the smell after our homeboy in ridiculous facepaint shits himself.